Transformation and Transcendence: The Power of Female Friendship at The Rumpus

I love female friendships and also I loved this essay. Read it! It features a group of women called The Wrinklies… not sure what more you could want.

When my friend Leah originally told me this story over the phone, the rendition was repeatedly interrupted with my cackling and shocked exclamations. Hope you enjoy as much as I did!

I taught myself how to juggle when I was ten, went to circus camp at 13, and ultimately served as president of my college’s juggling club: the Anti-Gravity Society. So, when the patriarchy tells me that girls can’t juggle, I decide to play a little joke on it.

I’m at a local evening gathering when somebody busts out the juggling equipment. Of course, this catches my attention. I mosey on over and started squeezing various balls, testing what sort of different weights and sizes are around. Apparently, one male bystander interprets this as me yearning to juggle but currently merely able to — at first I wrote “fondle the balls” here. Then I changed it to “play around with the equipment.” Still not sure what to write, but you get the drift.

“The best way to learn is to start with just one ball,” he says kindly. “Here, let me show you.”

Fortunately, this kind of thing has happened before. And I love it.

“Thank you,” I say sweetly. “Like this?” Playing dumb, I toss the ball back and forth, sometimes really high, sometimes dramatically off to the side, clenching and unclenching my fingers robotically.

“Try to relax a little,” he says.

“Ah yes,” I say. “I think it’s just so easy to get stressed when it’s your first time learning how to juggle.”

He says of course, he understands. Do I want to try two?

Yes indeed! With two, I am sure to do a couple of the “cheater’s juggling” method, where you only actually throw from one hand and the other just passes it sneakily over.

My teacher cuts in to correct me gently and give a little reprimanding finger wag.

I make sure to throw a couple of really awful tosses and I see him smiling a bit. “It just takes time,” he says graciously. “I‘ve seen worse.”

“I think I’m ready for three now!” I exclaim. I know he is thinking that I couldn’t be further away from ready, but I sort of snatch the third ball out of his hand. I fling them all into the air and watch them come plopping down. “Hmm,” I say, sort of puzzled. I do this a few more times. Then, I start juggling for real, throwing in a couple of tricks tricks—tennis, yo yo, reverse cascade—juggling faster and faster.

For a moment, my teacher stares, astonished. Then it sinks in. “Screw you,” he says.

“What?!” I exclaim. “You’re just a really great teacher!”

“You already knew how to juggle!” he cries.

“No, be proud,” I said. “Not anybody can teach a total klutz how to juggle. And especially not in such short time. You‘re good.” I stop with the balls and innocently pick up a club. “Which end do I hold this bat anyways?” I ask.

He walks away. Take that, patriarchy!

chriskelly:

This interview made me so so so so happy.

(via Splitsider)

I think my favorite part of Bridesmaids is towards the beginning, when Annie (Kristen Wiig) and Lillian (Maya Rudolph) are just hanging out eating breakfast. Make more movies of these ladies chatting, please!!

(This amazing interview starts being in English around 1:20)

The other day, an awesome ten-year-old girl (she’s a self-trained unicyclist) told me that she doesn’t socialize much with the other girls in her class, because they are too into drama. I was sad to hear this because throughout my life, my friendships with girls and women have been sustaining, and by-and-large drama free (including the one with my childhood bestie, who has unicycled across the Golden Gate Bridge). There is this perpetual myth going around that if a girl is cool enough, she won’t get along with other girls. This is a patriarchy-induced delusion - that the dudes are truly the cool ones out there, and that cool ladies are anomalies who can’t mix with their own kind.

A few weeks ago was International Women’s Day/Feminist Coming Out Day. The day manifested for me as a multi-generational feminist love-fest on Facebook. We complimented each other’s organizing, posted on our love for feminism, helped older friends create explicitly feminist profile pictures, and in general passed around a lot of support and pride. Even though this was all over the internet, I was surprised by how refreshing the whole thing felt. Feminist women tend to get portrayed as negative humorless harpies, but my relationships with other feminists tend to bring me a whole lot of joy. As I feel overwhelmed with all there is to fight in the larger world, I am grateful for the wonderful women (and men!) I have found to fight alongside me.

I am so happy that the unicyclist knows how to be happy on her own, but I trust that she will also find some other awesome girls to ride with.