I recently moved to a new neighborhood in which cat-calling is much more prevalent than it was in any of my past neighborhoods. The walk-by comments are generally ‘complimentary’ and not especially vulgar. I’m a little bit surprised by how much I hate it. First off, I should make it clear that I’m a pretty friendly person and generally enjoy talking to strangers:

• The other day, a student from my alma mater called asking for money for the alumni fund, and I ended up chatting for ten minutes about her hopes and worries for her life after graduation.
• I recently had a long conversation with the cashier at my local bagel shop in which we discussed his love and my hatred of football and he reanalyzed my formative experience with the wretched sport (his read: it was all about cooties).
• Soon after I moved in, I was walking down the block and a lady wanted to know my thoughts on a set of rotating lights in the sky. I thought it was a helicopter; she was sure it was a UFO (she had done a lot of research on YouTube).

All of these interactions brought me joy, so why does cat-calling feel so different?

1. I love having interesting conversations with people. With these men, I am being called at. I am not a subject, worthy of co-engagement, I am just an object to be commented on.
2. It reminds me a little of when I am traveling, and I end up at a religious site without planning on it, and with raised eyebrows I am given a schmatteh to throw over my shoulders because my sleeves are too short. Or I find myself in a traditional neighborhood, and I worry about being yelled at. It feels hostile, and I feel like I don’t belong there. The ultra-Orthodox seem to own the Western Wall - it is THEIR place, and I am just an awkward visitor - and the same feels true when these men stand on the corner and call out to me: the street is theirs, and being talked at is my toll for walking to the grocery store.
3. I feel ashamed. Intellectually, I know that walking down the block in a dress is nothing to be ashamed of. But when men yell out to me on the street, my automatic reaction is to hunch down a little, and assume I’m doing something wrong, something to ask for it.

To me, positive stranger engagement is all about expanding our sense of community. However ephemeral, we are forging a connection with the other, welcoming each other into little bits of our worlds. Cat-calling has the opposite effect: even when I’m being called an angel, all I want to do is fly away.